Monday, May 15, 2006

I'm Back

Yes, I am back from my travels and more inspired than ever. Working in soup kitchens, baptizing newborns and adults alike, and teaching the Bible to children can do that to a man. But so too can spending 48 hours on various planes sitting next to obese men and women on each leg of my journey, forced to endure their stench and rolls of fat invading my personal space. Given that I've already revealed the evils of the obese, I am quite sure that this unfortunate turn of events is the direct result of this post -- a little reminder from Satan that he is watching me. But I will not be swayed. I can endure, just as I endure all manners of sin and filth infiltrating the good Christian communitiies of America. And I will fight, as well. First, let's look at what the airlines are doing about it. Luckily, we crusaders for Christ have a friend in Southwest airlines and should support the airline accordingly. Virgin Atlantic, on the other hand, is clearly the Devil's airline of choice. Not only does it tolerate the obese on its airplanes, giving passage to soldiers of the Devil, it has been named something sacred -- i.e. Virgin -- and turned it into a sex-ed up commodity, like cell phones and airplanes. It is decidedly un-Virgin-like, and makes a mockery of peoples' decisions to remain pure. I recognize the irony, and irony is for the Devil. In the end, though, simply disallowing the obese from boarding airplanes is not enough. We must ostracize them the same way homosexuals and witches need to be ostracized. At the very least, there needs to be a fat tax, where people over a certain weight are forced to pay at least twice as much as the average, God-fearing Christian. This tax should be levied on all sinners, really, but until we have the technology to look into peoples' hearts and know what God they believe in, we are limited by technology. Eventually, though, I would like to see something akin to the John Waters' movie, Desperate Living, where society's delinquents live in a special town, driven from the good people of America. Anyway, now that I am back, I will do the best I can in catching up to your comments and criticisms.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Led Head said...

Nathaniel, if this were the case, you'd be the one paying the higher taxes and living in the special town.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

led head -- how, exactly, am i one of society's delinquints? i never break the law. i go to Church at least once a week and many times more. i do not accept sin and filth into my community and work tirelessly to drive it away.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

And that's the problem with you, Nathaniel. You're forever picking the motes out of everybody else's eyes and can't see for the beam in your own!

Jesus would NEVER advocate the things that you do, and I'm sure he's appalled at this blog!

9:19 PM  

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