Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Man Who Could Not Die: Another Short Story About the End Times

“[A]nd the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; and said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb; for the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?”— The Book of Revelation

The end times were upon him. John O’James knew this, and he could not take it. Earthquakes, famine – both struck the earth with a vengeance, killing millions, including his homosexual lover and his parents. Millions escaped the misery altogether, simply disappearing. People on the streets, on the radio and television – they said all the disappearances were because of the Rapture. He believed it to be true; and where he wanted to be a Christian, to accept Jesus into his heart so that he could at last find favor with God, he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he had done terrible things in the past, things that made him evil, things that made him embarrassed to ever meet God or Jesus or any of the souls that were already saved and enjoying the blessings of heaven. No; he would rather suffer an eternity of hellfire than suffer through that. And he knew now that he deserved it.

So as he tied the rope to the tree branch, as he put the noose around his neck, he thought about all the things he had done, about the men he had loved, about the sinful acts they had committed in the darkness of the bedroom. A small part of him still thought he had done nothing wrong. Who cares if he loved men, if he loved to touch and be touched by them? Who was he hurting? It was HIS life, HIS body.
Obviously, it was that thinking that got him here in the first place. He knew now that all the good he thought he had done for his community – his giving to the poor, his working with disadvantaged children, his donation of a kidney to save a person he didn’t even know – were nothing in the grand scheme of God. The fact that he acted on his lust for men was so evil, so repugnant, it outweighed any good he may have done. He was sure now that the kidney he donated probably made the person sicker. It could have even turned the man gay. And the money he gave to charity must have acted like seeds of rot within the impoverished communities, condemning them further into the pattern of neglect and filth that so trapped them. And the poor children!!! His help probably was no help at all. Instead, he inspired them merely to become smarter criminals.

Part of him thought he shouldn’t go through with his hanging, for all the suffering that mankind was due was suffering he deserved. Ten fold. But he was weak. Un-Godly weak. Thus his crimes. Thus his submission to filthy temptation. Thus God’s rejection. Thus his misery. And how could he face God, knowing He had been watching during every act of sin, watching when he seduced his lovers, watching as he enjoyed pornography, watching as he corrupted everything around him?

So he hung himself. He stepped off the ladder, kicking it over. He dangled and twisted violently. He could feel the rope burying itself deep within his neck, strangling him. He couldn’t breathe. His face turned blue. His eyes were bulging. And he twitched and twitched; but he would not die; and he dangled and dangled -- for hours, and he still would not die. God, God! Please, let me just die. I can’t bear to face you, he prayed. But rather than answer his prayers, the rope broke from the tree.

This made John O’James angry, angry with God. He didn’t care that it was he who had sinned, he who had given in to temptation and offended God. So he rushed to his house, into the tool shed and picked up a hatchet. Without even thinking, not even for a second, he brought it down across his wrist, severing the hand. Blood splashed everywhere and continued to spill from the wound. He lost so much blood, his arms (one handless) and legs turned blue. His face and torso were probably blue, too, but he was too controlled by anger to think to check. When the bleeding stopped he was still alive.

Okay, God, you win. I believe in you so strongly; I am so overcome by the fact you gave your only son to mankind to die for our sins, I am sorry I tried to kill myself. I love you, I love you; I love you more than my lover, more than my parents, more than my favorite shoes, more than fashion in general, really. And he just stood there for awhile, hoping his words reached God, so God would know that he was a good Christian. But in the back of his mind, what he was really hoping was that God would finally let him die. God, of course, did not answer his prayers, for he lived on.

So he again became enraged and ran into the house, into the kitchen, where he went to the knife drawer and pulled out a knife. Really God? By loving men I was so evil a person none of the good I did made any difference? What kind of being are you? He then slit his own throat. He didn’t have any blood left, so he didn’t bleed. Instead, the pain now wracking his body brought him to the ground, where he sat propped against the dishwasher, his face in his hand and nub, crying.

John! John! God called to him. Where wast though when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou hast understanding. Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? Canst thou set dominion thereof in earth? Wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?

And suddenly John was filled with happiness. It all made sense to him now. Well, kind of. He had just spoken to God, after all. In any event, he could no longer feel any pain, although he was still missing a hand, and his arms and legs were blue. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore – nothing but his love of God. No longer would sin tempt him. No longer would his love compete with unnatural urges. He was determined, now, to go forth into the world as a good Christian soldier and save as many as he could from eternal hellfire. It did bother him – just a little bit – that he was missing a hand and was a dark shade of blue; but in God’s grand scheme of things, he knew that was neither here nor there, for God was on his side. Now he just had to find the perfect thing to wear…

The End


Anonymous bby8r said...

close-mind·ed (klōs'mīn'dĭd, klōz'-) or closed-mind·ed (klōzd'-)

Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas.
close'-mind'ed·ness n.

EXAMPLE: "If you do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you do not accept Him as your savior, you will go to Hell."

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Homosexuality is an abomination unto the lord

3:53 AM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

anonymous -- you think you (your website, anyway)are being clever, pointing out all these things the bible says are wrong that we take for granted today; however, i believe that all of those things -- like eating shrimp -- are also wrong. But you are right: true Christians should quote everything the bible says is wrong, rather than picking and choosing things to obsess over, for all are equally evil in the eyes of the Lord. So in your honor, i will one day soon do a post about it.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, I was not trying to be clever. Or at least not solely. But it conveyed what I wanted to say better than I could have said it myself.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous ZAC said...

I see absolutely no problem with homosexuality. Do you actually think that people being gay is just to defy GOD? No. They can't help it. I know A LOT of gay people who are really my friends. As a freshman in high school, you notice people. If GOD created everything, and he also created man in his image, then he also created gay people from his image.
Now I am not saying that GOD is gay, but I am saying that homosexuals are just as normal as others. I know that many gay people try to change and are willing to become straight. They can't without a major brain rewiring. Homosexuality happens from a period of time between conception to the first three years of the child's life. NO ONE CAN HELP BEING A HOMOSEXUAL. It is just natural and in my opinion, you are close minded. Please show me proof that gay people are just out to defy GOD. Oh do tell.

2:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just prejudice... saying that someone is undeserving of salvation because of something they could not choose? that's like saying, "he can't be saved because he's black", or "she can't be saved because she's a woman."

7:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice post. Indeed, homosexuals are abominations. I wish they would change the way they look at the world. I do believe that all homosexuals have some kind of feeling hidden within themselves - a feeling of guilt and shame from God. They are the close-minded. People there, open up. Jesus is knocking. And heaven would be now.

6:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is full of mother fucking bullshit , man get a fucking life or stop preaching your nonsence crap , love a satinist
p.s see you in hell , be positive we shall be warm :)
p.s.s suck my willy muther fuckerss ;)

10:44 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

satin is a mad cunt and i would suck his willy any day ;)

10:45 PM  
Anonymous God said...

satin!!! havent seen u in agers man how are you ? and your bitches? let me know when u need more crap to burn , got plenty up here , had a big clean up aye

10:49 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

heyy god !!! wouldn't mind some but i've got plenty of bodies down here to burn in the mean time, you know what i'm sayin'
yeah,the bitches are good aye but how bout yours wanna trade some day?? ;)

10:52 PM  
Anonymous God said...

ohk no worries , ill send some up , yer mine are good you know the usueal , always running after me , gotta love them aye

10:54 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

good old bitches aye ;) hahah yeah so hows jesus? still on the bong or what?

11:33 PM  
Anonymous God said...

yer hes good , yer still on the bong you know kids these days cant keep them outta trouble

hahahaha man have u read this ?? this guy is hilarouis taking everything to extreame , man i say another flood ??? get a new batch in ... i think so .... oh wait sorry i forgot 2012 is coming we shall wait till then to get a new batch of humans

11:36 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

haha true that babe ;) lol i think we could organise something for now and later haha could be fun ayee lol yeah i think these 'humans' deserve it with all their sin and what not lol

yeah we should meet up soon to discuss things. maybe have an orgie or something?? ;)

11:43 PM  
Anonymous God said...

yer sure man , i get my bitches together and u get yours together have a massive one, just with yours make sure there not to decapitated don't want the place to messy ayee

noah says he'l take the day/night of from building his boat and animal collecting so we set ??

11:49 PM  
Anonymous God said...

yer sure man , i get my bitches together and u get yours together have a massive one, just with yours make sure there not to decapitated don't want the place to messy ayee

noah says he'l take the day/night of from building his boat and animal collecting so we set ??

11:49 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

fuck yeah i love noah and his tight ass ;) lol yeah i'll see what i can do but i can't promiss any thing. some of those cunts deserved it you know? ;) lol

yeah i'll see if i can get osama bin ladin to come. he has a nice ass too. but srsly you should see it ;)

11:52 PM  
Anonymous God said...

nahhh man no osama bin ladin , he's to good at hide and seek , we gunna b there for ever if he comes , and u no i have places to be people to see (pubs, clubs shoot ups , u name it )

11:55 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

lol true ayee isn't osama up in heaven with you anyway? he's a really good guy if you ask me. ...

me love you long time xx

11:58 PM  
Anonymous God said...

lol yer hes not bad , tends to just snap at times he hit adam and tryed to talk up eve the other day , funny shit

12:05 AM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

haha i'm not surprised. that osama is such a flirt ;) haha yeah he tried hitting on hittler the other day too funny shit. hittler and him got into a fight and i whipped the shit out of them as punishment.
although they both seemed to like it.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous God said...

hahah yer man , i think putting them into a stone cave is better punishment than whiping , gives em time to think rather

12:19 AM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

yeah true that, but it's not as fun aye. ;) haha

so anyway how are the desiples?? still spunky as ever??

6:20 PM  
Anonymous God said...

yes all 12 or how ever many there are , keep loosing track , they are like a bunch of year 7 girls one minute they hate each other the next there best of friends

8:08 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

haha fair enough aye lol some people will never learn aye ahaha

so what have you been up to these days? do you still talk to mary, that foxy milf ??

7:51 PM  
Anonymous satin ;) said...

haha tell me about it lol disciples these days aye haha they'll never learn aye haha

6:33 PM  
Anonymous jesus said...

hey God i mean daddy. can you beleive these people they think i hate GAY people i LOVE them, BIG FAT WILLYS all the way.

2:38 AM  
Anonymous God said...

lol yes jesus i know aye oh i mean son my bad i suppord u and your boyfriend all they way and glad u came outta the closet ily heaps babe

11:39 PM  
Anonymous satan ;) said...

who's jesus's boyfriend?? ;)

11:47 PM  
Anonymous God said...

adam , nawwwww

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Moses said...


8:11 PM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

Now now Moses Iv told you befor to share, my 13th commandment said " you shall share your boyfriends"

7:12 AM  
Anonymous satin said...

haha if you wanna get all technical, the commandments were gods and he gave them to moses. :P lol

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

no. im Gods son i think i would know who they beong to, he told me i could have them :P

10:35 PM  
Anonymous moses said...

stop getting off topic!
so Jesus, who the fuck is Adam!?
Im sure hes not as hot as I am, cant u remember my saggy old dick!? and how thick and wet it gets ;)

6:59 PM  
Anonymous satan said...

well i have a heaps wet soggy pussy ;)

maybe you and i should get together moses ;)


7:01 PM  
Anonymous Moses said...

ummm...okay ;)
If Jesus is cheating so will I

7:09 PM  
Anonymous Jesus said...

ohh what ever, im Jesus i can fuck every butt in the world.
and to Nathaniel, watch out!!!!!! im comeing for you.

9:01 PM  
Anonymous Moses said...

how many men do u wanna fuck?!
Im sure Nathaniel woulnt want your 10000000 year old soggy dick in his ass! (or pussy) :P

plus, not everyone likes ur Syphallus!

11:48 PM  
Anonymous satan said...

i do :$


9:58 PM  
Anonymous God said...

NOW NOW my children , place nicely other wise you will get no jelly for the jelly wrestling

10:39 PM  
Anonymous satan said...

i agree with my best buddy god, you should stop being so silly you lot.

god is very wise and i think you should listen to him. plus, he has a heaps nice ass too ;)

10:42 PM  
Anonymous God said...

yer thanks satan (ur ass is prety sexy 2 :P )
but yes if u lot dont behave im gunna have to punsih the lot of ya :P hehehehe

10:47 PM  
Anonymous moses said...

oh i love jelly wrestling! i love it when god and satan play with me ;)

and btw god, i know u hav a nice ass (ive been checkin it out ;)

(send me a pic of it too)

10:51 PM  
Anonymous moses said...

dont spank me god ;)

i'll ever u like ;)

12:05 AM  
Anonymous satan said...

but moses, you like the spanking ;)

12:16 AM  
Anonymous Moses said...


i mean no i dont ;)

9:25 PM  
Anonymous God said...

Jesus, my son, look at this idiot. He thinks that book we had those two guys in the desert write when we were high is actually important.

11:04 PM  

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