Apple is Evil: Let's Boycott It

I think we are all in agreement: porn is evil; it is a scourge that must be wiped from the face of this Earth, for it captures filthy, sinful behavior and spreads it like a virus across the world and sucks all who watch it into a blackhole of eternal damnation, converting women into whores, tempting teenagers into sin, and subjecting the human spirit to the basest desires of the flesh. And now porn has a new way to spread: the IPod (just in case the link doesn't work, the article talks about how porn is coming to the IPod). It pains me to say it, for I love my IPod and use it hours a day to listen to my favorite parts of the Bible, to hear podcasts of my favorite ministers; but the IPod must be stopped. I should have known this was the inevitable direction in which the IPod would go. Just look at the name of the company that develops it: Apple. It was woman's desire for knowledge, her weakness of character and mind, that allowed her to be tempted by Satan to take the apple of knowledge and have us cast out of the Garden of Eden. She was not satisfied with simply being ignorant and happy as God wanted us and meant us to be. She was not satisfied with facing God's wrath alone and so used her wiley ways to trick man into joining her in exile from God's embrace. And now we have a new apple hanging from a tree - the tree of technology -- to tempt us; and we have plenty of weak-minded women -- whores, all of them -- willing to taste it by succumbing to the inherent evil that lurks in all of them: the need for attention, the need for pleasure -- this need that drives them into the arms of hundreds of men to steal their innocence in front of the camera. And yet again man will be tempted to join her in sin, downloading, I'm sure, millions upon millions of pornographic videos and pictures, so that they no longer have to be in the privacy of their own home to corrupt their spirits and offend God. On the train, in the car, at work -- there will be no place where man won't be able to go to turn away from God. Of course, Apple stands to make billions. You can be sure that Satan is hissing in the ear of Steve Jobs right now, whispering the sweat nothings of riches to convince him of the greatness of the idea. That is why we must boycott Apple. Only then can we combat the power that Satan has over Jobs. Or perhaps Jobs is Satan, himself! This would explain the Apple icon, which is practically a finger in the eye of God. Someday, I pray, it will be possible for all good Christians to get together, march up to Apple headquarters, and burn the temple of evil down to the ground. Until then, Christian soldiers, let's boycott Apple.