Reminder: Everything Big Is Evil, Including Whales
Praise be, the stupid whale that lost itself in the Thames River is dead! This is proof that this site is in harmony with the desires of God. Where I was ridiculed for revealing the truth -- that everything big in the animal world is evil, evil because, according to environmentalists, our resources are scarce and large, useless animals abuse these resources, thus hurting the environment -- God has chosen to show the world that my warnings are accurate by killing the whale, despite all of our attempts to save it. And make no mistake, whales are indeed evil. For they devour smaller fish, and fish are going extinct. Not only are they evil, but they are stupid, thus the fact that the whale chose to swim thro the Thames. It's a shame that our precious resources are wasted on such creatures. If only we were all so inspired as Captain Ahab, then perhaps we could all unite in the desire to cleanse the ocean of whales and save the fishes. Of course it is inevitable that environmentalists, their minds filled with the agenda of Satan, blame the extinction of fishes on humans. This is clearly false, as the earth was bequeathed to us by God to serve our needs. The extinction of fishes is simply His way to remind us that whales are useless and evil, thereby giving us a duty to exterminate them.
posted by Nathaniel at 5:28 PM
16 Comments:
I know this is a joke, but if so, why the link to focus?
anonymous -- you are surely hellfire bound, since this site is NOT a joke. I've found that every single person who has ever thought this site as satiracal is living a life of sin and is therefore unable to comprehend the true righteousness of everthing spoke herin. i'm not sure, but i also think that people such as yourself are unable to be saved. When the end times come you will certainly bear the mark of the beast!
You're head is big; does that mean it's EBIL!!!1!!!one!!! too?
anonymous -- what, exactly, is a EBIL!!!!1!!!one!!! too? are you mexican or something? if you meant to say evil -- and i will just assume that's what you meant -- then my answer is this: i may, in fact, be more pre-disposed to evil and sin than the average head-ed person. but my love of the Lord is great, so he forgives me for my sins. The Lord God carries my cross for me, guiding me through my evil desires and tendencies, such that I live the life of a righteous person. However, if I lose sight of the lord, i am sure that my big-headed-ness will drive me to evil.
Dude, it's a joke. Find a sense of humor. And if everything evil is big and you admit to having a big head.... forget it. You're right. You're always right, ain't you princess?
anonymous -- i am not, in fact, always right. i am, however, right most of the time, for my passion for the Bible has made me a wise person, capable on expounding on nearly every issue.
i realize that most of the people, including yourself, that take the time to comment on this site don't take it or me seriously and most of the time are attempting to make fun of me. but that will never detract me from speaking the truth. and i have a feeling -- a feeling that warms my heart -- that your sad attempts at humor will lead you to special punishment in hell.
Whales don't eat fish- they eat plankton.
How is the world made for us, when we last minute decision when God thought something was missing?
And isn't Satan more or less a prisoner of hell than a ruler of it?
matthew -- i have no idea what you mean by your second question. But as for your other two:
1) i did research - while it depends on what type of whale one is talking about, many do, in fact, eat fish. some even have teeth to eat large fish. do a google search.
2) Satan may, in fact, be a prisoner of hell, but he is also ruler of it. and really, he's not even a prisoner of hell; he was cast out of heaven, which leaves hell and earth as his domain.
And STILL, that makes whales evil because...?
matthew -- because... because they are big and everything big is evil. did you not read the posts?
A tree is big. The moon is big. The sun is HUGE. They are not evil.
I don't see a whale commiting crimes against humanity, and just because it's larger than we doesn't mean its going to any real damage unless you plan on turning into a mermaid.
mattew -- sure a whale does damage: it steals fish from the ocean. These are fish we humans could be eating. we do have to be careful about trees, you're right. we need trees for wood, but big useless trees like Sequioia trees are doing nothing more than robbing the earth of nutrients. they should be cut down for lumber. really, it's a balancing act. some animals and plant life we need to live, while some are too big for their own and our good. i'm only arguing this point because apparently the earth is dying from global warming and pollution, etc. etc., so i'm simply trying to be a good shephard by finding a correct balance between things big and small so we reduce pollution and all of that.
matthew -- i realize i didn't answer your query regarding the sun and moon. the answer is that those things are in heaven, and therefore God's dominion. but notice that if either were to get too big it certainly would destoy earth. this proves my point about big animals.
I seriously don't think we're going to run out of fish soon. Besides, whales are here for a reason. Everything has a purpose. We already lose 150 species of animals per day, and if God wants to get rid of whales, it's his business. But 'evil' is not the right word.
And regarding pollution. Either way, everything that has been on earth is going to stay on earth. All it depends on is if it is harmful to humans or not.
Whales die, feed the plants and microbacteria, which then feed the fish. Whales live, dozens of fungi, plants, and parasitical fish thrive on it and in it.
Dude, God created the animals so they can't be evil
Dude, God created the animals so they can't be evil
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