Everything Big Is Evil

God gave us this earth, just as He gave us our bodies, our souls... His son. But the dirty hippies and their cohorts, the liberal media, have created an environmental cult to deprive us of what is rightfully ours. I love nothing better than to take my giant SUV off the beaten path, through the forest, up mountains, crushing the earth beneath my tires, crushing insects, squirrels, possums, and casts; and if a dear gets in my way I roll over it too, my tires sucking it under a car like a vacuum cleaner sucks dust.

Hurricanes -- the result of global warming, THEY tell us. Well, I tell them: no, there is no such thing; hurricanes are but just one arrow in the quiver of God's wrath. Hurricanes aren't the spawn of global warming, but heat, I assure you -- a heat more raging than the warm breeze THEY claim is responsible for so much destruction -- is involved. It's the heat of Satan corrupting our hearts and souls with sin, spreading his filth through homosexuality, pornography, and earth-worship.

But I get berated for my SUV, for my use of the things God has given us. It contributes to the destruction of the environment, I'm told. I'm the cause of global warming! But what about the things the enviro-cult worships? Trees, animals, water. I don't really care about trees and water, for they are inanimate and provide for us; but what about animals? What do they provide? Meat? The enviro-cult even complains about that. We should eat nothing but sprouts and carrots, they say. And regardless of whether or not we listen to the enviro-cult, very few of the animals even provide that.

Animals take and take, eating our grass, polluting our rivers with their excrement. If something needs to be done about us, about our use of the Earth that God has given us, something needs to be done about them. We should, I think, take the biggest and therefore most useless and destructive of the animals and put them to use or kill them. Elephants are gigantic and slothful, so they should be killed for their ivory. Giraffes? I'm not sure they're good for anything at all, so good riddance. And horses? Maybe a hundred years ago, before cars, they were a necessity, but now they are good only for glue. And they're hideous. They look not unlike big pieces of poop and smell worse. I would gladly drive them to extinction. But of all the creatures doing the most harm to us and our Earth, monkeys are probably the most dangerous. It is through them that "scientists" -- atheists -- corrupt our understanding of where we came from and our appreciation of the Bible as literal truth. I know it sounds harsh, but apparently the Earth faces a crisis. It's resources are being abused and used, such that future generations have nothing left. This being the case, I think I'll go kill me a gorilla.