Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Science is Evil, Part III

There are a lot of new gadgets and inventions coming out these days. We seem to be living in times (I believe, of course, the End Times) when scientists and engineers with too much time on their hands and too much of the Devil’s trickery in their hearts seem obsessed with churching out countless new gizmos that are, at best, useless and oftentimes downright evil. Take these so-called “hybrid cars”: I thoroughly resent the fact that these scheming scientists would want me to give up my Ford Expedition SUV and cram my ample frame into some absurd, puttering “green” midget-mobile that runs on “batteries” and “good intentions”. When I drive, I want my vehicle to burn petroleum and lots of it!!! I make no bones about the fact that The Lord gave us this earth and all of its minerals and resources to use for our own purposes, chief among these, a reliable form of comfortable, stylish transportation! Praise Be!!!

Now, I’m getting a bit off track here. I think most if not all of the inventions coming out these days are just ridiculous and offensive. Take this so-called “ShamWow”: A cloth that soaks up ALL stains and spills?? How offensive! Any cloth that can soak up all stains and spills is certainly inspired by the Devil and can certainly suck up lost souls! Cleaning should be a painful, rigorous process characterized by bending over and scrubbing hard with a scrub brush, until everything is spic-n-span! I also resent vacuum cleaners! And I particularly resent these new-fangled Dyson-model bagless vacuum cleaners with their so-called “cyclonic” technology. These would also certainly suck up lost souls, as surely as the Devil’s lies and trickery spews forth from the scientists who invented them. I also don’t like them because I suspect they may have a connection to magic spells and witchcraft – if ordinary witches can fly around on brooms, than surely, the most demonic and powerful witches would fly around on vacuum cleaners!

I just feel that we all should all be wary of the so very many these many things that are coming out these days with the promise of making our lives more “convenient,” when in reality such things may likely only have the effect of distancing our immortal souls from the Lord, and putting our immortal souls on the primary road toward eternal hellfire. Now, for the hellfire-bound spirits, I’m sure this is probably not of a concern, but for those of us who are not hellfire-bound, we need to always be on the alert for things like the ShamWow, which seem “a bit too good to be true”. For such things, which seem to be great because they make cleaning “so very easy”, are not great at all, because they could capture our souls for all eternally. THERFORE, as we make our way through life, we must always be wary of the “ShamWows” of this world, and instead, look to the not-so-glamorous, yet good-old-fashioned and reliable scrub brush!!!


Blogger mpiereder said...

Are you a real Doctor? I'd like to know what your credentials are.

1:34 AM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

Yes, I am a real Dr. Not an MD, but a doctor of good wholsomeness and virtuous truths. I have a PhD in Materials Science and Engineering from MIT, and certificate in biblical studies from Bob Jones University.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous MacGuyver said...

Dr. Parnell: I'd venture to guess you have PLENTY of experience making things spic-n-span.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...


If you are referring to the cleansing of formally hell-fire-bound spirits, by working to bring them to Christ, then you are quite correct. As far as actually cleaning things like my house, I hire a cleaning service for that. Ocaasionally, I do vacuum out my SUV.

The Rev., Dr. Jimmy Dean Parnell

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with all of what Dr Parnell says, I only don't know why we allow the non-saved to be in public office, allowing the unsaved to be in poublic office I believe is what causes bad storms and warts

Len kLoth

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, this website is a satire. Glad I clarified that.

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im so glad i use a sham-wow. at least ill be nice and hot in hell

12:00 AM  

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