Wall Mart Shoppers are Good Christians

So last Sunday, I decided to have an exciting time by going out after church. So after church I went to Wal-Mart. For those of you looking to “go out” on weekends, or spend some time out on Friday nights, I recommend Wal-Mart as the place to be. It’s the place to see and be seen by good friends and neighbors alike. It’s also a great place for the ladies to go and chat and gossip with their church friends in the aisles concerning all the latest things happening on their lives. During my most recent trip to Wal-Mart I saw several church friends who had attended church services with me that very same day! I saw several neighbors who attended church services also. There may have been some people there who did not attend church but, thankfully, I didn’t recognize them. Regardless, I’m sure that many, if not most of the people there had attended church because Wal-mart shoppers always appear to be simple wholesome people who respect faith and values, and such people certainly know how to spot a bargain. Therefore, Wal-Mart is the ideal place to shop if you are a faithful church-going Christian. Wal-Mart is a Christian company with Christian ideals. They are headquartered, not in New York City or San Francisco, but in Bentonville Arkansas. The senior management consists of earnest, hard-working leaders, who remain faithful to their customers by working to keep prices as low as possible – thereby allowing Christian families to save money. The company is respectful of Christian ideals by banning inappropriate books, like that one book by John Stewart in 2004. They say that over 70% of Wal-Mart shoppers voted for George Bush in 2004. While most viscous liberals out there would cite that statistic as a point of ridicule aimed at conservative Christians who remained faithful to their values, I see it as a sign that Wal-Mart shoppers are simply good people who love their country.

I also believe that Wal-Mart provides great jobs for the local people. However, every time I visit Wal-Mart I get the impression that many of the workers are not thankful enough for their Wal-Mart jobs. Wal-Mart jobs are wonderful jobs for many people. They get paid 8.50 an hour and they get occasional bathroom breaks. They have the priviledge of being able to help the customers get low prices. They also get to wear those bright blue smocks. What on earth is wrong with that? Yet, I get the impression that many US Wal-Mart workers are dissatisfied, and I don’t understand why. I feel that the dissatisfaction of Wal-mart workers is symbolic of what is wrong with the working class in general. That’s why we need to completely eliminate social welfare programs, eliminate taxes on the rich, and bring back poor-houses as a means of punishing those who will not work at Wal-mart type jobs. If we had poor-houses (see previous post on bringing back the 19th century-style poor-house) the Wal-mart workers would be truly grateful for their jobs because they would see that the only alternative would be the poor-house - where they would learn the true definition of misery and suffering. Only then would Wal-Mart workers finally realize that they had better eagerly perform their jobs with bright cheerful attitudes, lest they be fired and consigned to the dark gloomy halls of the poorhouse!