Wednesday, November 22, 2006

No Wonder They're Almost Extinct!

I just read this disturbing article about the methods being used to get pandas to reproduce. Yes, apparently they are showing pandas porn to teach them how to mate. This, I fear, does not bode well for the future of mankind, for the fact that pandas need such disgusting titillation in order to reproduce may, in fact, describe our own condition and why vast swathes of the world population is obsessed with pornography, such that it has infiltrated every facet of our lives. While one may never have guessed it given all the children that Hispanics, Africans and Muslims seem to spawn, what the world may be looking at is a failure of its obligation to God to raise as many children as possible in the words of Christ. That means we, like pandas, may be going extinct. Of course, it may be true that porn does increase our fornication and therefore the number of children the world will see born; however, such children will surely not be raised in the words of God, thus sewing the seeds of destruction upon mankind. Whether these children join the armies of Satan to wreak havoc on the world (just look at the Middle East and Africa, where children grow up heathen) or God simply sees fit to strike us down with coming of Armageddon, we are certainly doomed to a fate not unlike that of pandas. On a secondary note -- and this is just speculation on my part -- the fact that we are showing pandas pornography may lead to a new kind of enemy that we Christian soldiers may have to fight: animals possessed by Satan. I say this simply because the using of evil technology to teach animals the joys of fornication will certainly have some sort of perverted effect upon their brain. Now, whether that effect is something akin to being possessed by the Devil such that we must beware pandas running around China like werewolves remains to be seen. This is especially true given that pandas are very lazy creatures and spend most of their days sitting around eating bamboo.

9 Comments:

Blogger Wrin said...

You posted this twice. Are you going to blame it on the devil?

12:10 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

wrin -- it may indeed be the devil. or it could have been my bad internet connection that cut me off the first time i published the post, thus leading me to repost it not realizing it was already appearing on the blog

12:39 PM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

Our posts may be posted "ad infinitem", and our readers shall have no say on that fact. In fact, I believe it would be appropriate to write posts which provide an appropriate review of earlier subjects, because there are lessons to be learned, and many of them must be relearned!!

10:50 PM  
Blogger Led Head said...

Okay...so does this mean we get to learn and relearn about pornography and the mating habits of Pandas?

11:22 PM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

That and many other things, as well. One of the beautiful things about all this is the wonderful opportunity for learning that it presents! People - I am excited! There are just so many wonderful lessons to be learned! There are no limits to extend of one's knowledge, given careful due diligence and proper instruction!

12:12 PM  
Blogger Led Head said...

Mmmm...so when do we get to see the pandas make babies?

10:42 PM  
Anonymous Three Headed Grinch said...

Parnell-"That and many other things, as well. One of the beautiful things about all this is the wonderful opportunity for learning that it presents! People - I am excited! There are just so many wonderful lessons to be learned! There are no limits to extend of one's knowledge, given careful due diligence and proper instruction!"

That's why there is science ya dumbass.
I feel sorry for the guys that had to tape those things, or at least the machines that did it. Besides that I just find it hilarious.
Humanity isn't going to become extinct anytime soon. At the very least there will be some cataclismic event (most of which that could happen soon have been due to happen for 200 years) that will make the population drop considerably and change the planets structure somewhat. Here's the thing. If humanity is going to have a large population (6 billion or so) then you need to be logical about other people's opinions. You need much smaller societies if your going to have a Christian utopia. You can continue to preach to people and tell them to switch to Christianity, but you really should be more mature about it. Torture don't work. Positive punishment never does. You need to use negative punishment (which is called negative by taking something away as punishment that doesn't result in any actual physical or emotional harm). Such an example would be taking away an allowance or banning dessert for a couple days. It's been shown through experimentation that such punishment takes longer for it to work, but it's the most effective as it sticks with a person much longer then wacking them with a stick (which is called positive punishment because you introduce pain).
Wacking with stick- Results in temporary conditioning of behavior, but it can be learned out of and needs to be consistent even after the new behavior is seemingly learned.
Taking away small privileges- Results in long term conditioning of behavior that does not need to be reinforced over the course of time.

So while negative punishment takes longer to do, in the long run it's much shorter. After the conditioned behavior is learned, you don't really need to continue with the 'punishment'. To take away the sciency talk for your evangilist brain, let me rephrase that once again but in a simpler way: Your damn punishment chairs aren't as effective as keeping your hands off of a non-Christian and just denying them certain pleasures.
That is not to say that you can starve them either. The thing you take away has to be something they can do without that doesn't result in any trauma. Taking away TV works. Taking away a finger doesn't.
You have to do this without becoming a terrorist. You do this through compassion, patience, and wisdom. Basically what Jesus was about. It's amusing how different you are from Jesus.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you really that stupid?

the animals are going extinct, because of human actions, and letting them view porn to save the species is somehow bad?

you foolish christians need to get off the whole sex is bad thing, its really absurd.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Minea (also one of the anonymous people) said...

Please do not be so negative. Things are good, since God created them. Most of the posts I've read so far's about __is evil, __is bad, __is not...Dancing....science....pandas....they could all be also a way to praise God, or maybe, they could be instruments of God, don't you think? Still, the whole people should not see porn and corrupt their innocence without good and Godly reason thing is good. Keep it up! But remember, all things are good. Try to look at it that way. God bless! :)

3:28 AM  

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