Pat Robertson Is Dead to Me

Recently Pat Robertson, after years of seeing the light, knowing that global warming is nothing more than a hoax by the Devil, decided that the earth is warming up. His evidence -- a few days of really hot temperatures across America. Now I, like Pat Robertson, have always looked around me for signs from God about the ills that plague society. Like him, I knew the hurricanes devastating our coasts were a result of our country's support for gay marriage. I knew that feminism is a means for women to leave their husbands, kill their children and practice witchraft. But he is wrong about global warming. Three days of heat is evidence of nothing. Now I worry about the path my Christian right is taking, for it is inevitable that Mr. Robertson's newfound green-ness will inspire other good Christians misinterpret the signs from the heavens. For example, I've heard nothing about what God means be sending millions upon millions of jellyfish to infest our coasts. It's obvious that these jellyfish are the souls of the aborted come back to haunt us for our allowing abortion. Just look at how they resemble placenta. The ocean provides sustanence for we humans, but slowly, as the souls of the aborted accumulate and accumulate, our way of life will be stolen from us just as we steal the lives of the unborn. But Pat Robertson has yet to make any comment on the matter. His time, I'm afraid, has run its course. America will be visited by all kinds of punishment and he will blame it global warming, denying us the advantage of a kind of heavenly early warning system. We good Christians, I'm afraid, are on our own.