Monday, August 07, 2006

Pat Robertson Is Dead to Me

Recently Pat Robertson, after years of seeing the light, knowing that global warming is nothing more than a hoax by the Devil, decided that the earth is warming up. His evidence -- a few days of really hot temperatures across America. Now I, like Pat Robertson, have always looked around me for signs from God about the ills that plague society. Like him, I knew the hurricanes devastating our coasts were a result of our country's support for gay marriage. I knew that feminism is a means for women to leave their husbands, kill their children and practice witchraft. But he is wrong about global warming. Three days of heat is evidence of nothing. Now I worry about the path my Christian right is taking, for it is inevitable that Mr. Robertson's newfound green-ness will inspire other good Christians misinterpret the signs from the heavens. For example, I've heard nothing about what God means be sending millions upon millions of jellyfish to infest our coasts. It's obvious that these jellyfish are the souls of the aborted come back to haunt us for our allowing abortion. Just look at how they resemble placenta. The ocean provides sustanence for we humans, but slowly, as the souls of the aborted accumulate and accumulate, our way of life will be stolen from us just as we steal the lives of the unborn. But Pat Robertson has yet to make any comment on the matter. His time, I'm afraid, has run its course. America will be visited by all kinds of punishment and he will blame it global warming, denying us the advantage of a kind of heavenly early warning system. We good Christians, I'm afraid, are on our own.


Blogger Led Head said...

"For example, I've heard nothing about what God means be sending millions upon millions of jellyfish to infest our coasts."

Is there an article about this?

12:06 AM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

led head --

12:54 AM  

Good sir, how daft can you be to assume sea jellies are the souls of aborted fetuses? Are you aware of the fact the sea jelly has existed for millenia? Well, I know you'll dispute that, so I'll put it in terms you will understand: sea jellies existed in the Middle Ages, that time you pleasure yourself to, when there weren't abortions.

I suppose I could throw in the fact one sea jelly species can "replicate" itself, at the time of it's death, it's polyps split apart, producing a new sea jelly with the exact same genetic code, only younger. Yes, I could throw that it, but it's pretty much irelevent and mentioned simply because I like sea jellies.

12:53 PM  

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