Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Husband Diet

Over the last year, my wife has gained over ten pounds. Where once she was the perfect weight and very beautiful, she has become chunky and slothful. I don't find it very attractive at all. Luckily, my wife, while, like any woman, perfectly capable of letting herself go, is a good dutiful woman. Which is why she has not uttered a word of complaint since I began rationing her food. I'm sure most of you will complain and call me disgusting and other such names. But the Bible teaches that a woman's duty is to her man. She must do all she can to remain attractive in his eyes. A man who neglects the power he has over his wife doesn't deserve such power and isn't really a man at all. While some of you might disagree, thinking that a man's relationship with his wife is no business of mine, you are wrong, for when a man lets his wife go she becomes lazy and corruptible; and in the end, she will tempt other women into a similar life of sloth. That is the world's problem. This is why all men need to ration the food intake of their wives or, in the alternative or perhaps in addition, demand a daily exercise routine. I realize, of course, that there are "different strokes for different folks," that one man's fat woman is another's beauty. So men should ration according to his desire.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So in one breath you say that looking upon the flesh of a woman is a sin and only leads to temptation and in the other you say that your wife's body needs to be more attractive?

So what your saying is that you are willing to give in to the very temptations that you have just condemned?

So, which is it? Do you not want to see a woman's flesh or do you want to see the flesh and it better be pleasant to the eyes?

It should also be noted that your fear of women is blatantly obvious and is projected through your utter disdain of them. You should seek therapy and consider reading your bible more carefully. In that order.

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is satire, isn't it?

9:51 AM  
Blogger Led Head said...

Anonymous, Nathaniel talks out of both sides of his mouth. A couple weeks ago, he posted the following:

"...rather than think of my wife as a wonderful partner to have children with, I recently thought of her in a sexual way and made advances with no intention of the result being a son or daughter. So there it is..."

And yesterday he posts this:

"Over the last year, my wife has gained over ten pounds. Where once she was the perfect weight and very beautiful, she has become chunky and slothful. I don't find it very attractive at all."

If Nathaniel truly thought of his wife as "a wonderful partner to have children with" and not as a sexual object, if wouldn't matter if she put on ten extra pounds or not. Besides, if she's "unattractive" to him, he'd be less likely to make sexual advances towards her without the intention of creating children.

Okay, Nathaniel, what do you want? A beautiful temptress to arouse you sexually? Or a slightly overweight, average-looking woman, who will be less likely to lead you into temptation.

If you truly believed what you preach, then you would be relieved when your wife gained a few extra pounds. This way, you will be less tempted to lie with her unless you truly want to create another child.

So, for all you know, maybe she put on the weight to try to do both you and God a favor. Ever think of that?

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im surprised we haven't heard anything from Nathaniel about the whole stem cell research thing. Would have expected him to be praising Bush as a defender of life, christianity in America, etc. etc.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

Shhh!

*whispers* We don't want to give him ideas.

I think he's run out of stupid things to say, at least for awhile.

And out of rebuttals.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

led head -- i have not run out of things to say - far from it. i've just been a little tired lately of the same godless comments running through the blog. and i've got plenty of things to say about stem cell research, but people have already said them. i try to use this site to bring less noticed things to peoples' attention.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Ewap said...

It seems to me like people are merely asking for you to clarify what your opinions are Nathaniel. Admittedly some are also trying to catch you in contradictions, but if instead of condemning such people to eternal hellfire, you clarified those contradictions, you might find it easier to hold a dialogue. Or even to convert them over to "righteousness," since that seems to be the goal of this blog.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

ewap -- that would be fair if it were true, but mostly people who comment want to accuse me of being closed minded or wishing to offend rather than promote the values of the Lord. when people do point out contradictions or where i could stand to be a little more clear, i always try to respond. and just so you know, it is not me who condemns people to an eternity in hell, but the Lord Jesus Christ. I am simply a messenger, if you will.

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Ewap said...

Well if that is so, I wonder if you could clarify what led head asked?


quote:
Nathaniel, what do you want? A beautiful temptress to arouse you sexually? Or a slightly overweight, average-looking woman, who will be less likely to lead you into temptation.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

ewap, led head -- a man's wife can be beautiful without leading him to sin. And it is the duty of every woman AND man to do their utmost to look their best. And i don't mean by whore-ifying themselves with makeup and the outfits of strippers, but by keeping themselves in shape and fit. Man, was after all, made in God's image, and to let ourselves become obese and sickly looking is a sin against Him.

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your wife gained 10 lbs. big deal. whatever happen to 1 Peter 3:4, "You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

be truly thank full i cannot touch you right now...fun fact the collar bone breaks with only 45 pounds of pressure, a proper hammer strike gives off 55 pounds.....i think all take up praying again soly for your wife that one day she will see the monster you are and free her self.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bull shit you have a wife, your a creep, and very RACIST and think everyone should go to hell.
grow up and stop being so immature.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is gaining 10 lbs so bad for you. So what. What about people who actually prefer overweight women, huh? I happen to have a boyfriend who loves me the way I am, chubyness and all. I say mean things to you. Mean things!

1:54 PM  

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