Monday, July 10, 2006

Exercise Your Lungs By Smoking

Everybody needs to exercise once in awhile -- it does a body good. And that's exactly why smoking does not cause cancer. The devil would have you think that tobacco is cancerous. Just today they announced that cigarettes will be responsible for over 1 billion deaths in the 21st century. But that is hogwash, for tobacco, given to us by the all-providing and caring God, must be smoked; it is our duty. After all it was put here to help exercise our lungs and help us deal with the inevitable pollution that results from an expanding population. It will also protect against the poisons that will be brought down upon all good Christians by the antichrist during the endtimes. Knowing this, the Devil has used his minions controlling the liberal media and medical establishment to launch a campaign of disinformation. We should be promoting smoking of all forms (well almost all -- we should not smoke marijuana or crack or pcp or crystal meth). If cocaine is more potent smoked as crack, then certainly spinach and broccoli would be better served smoked. In fact, smoking could be the cure for obesity. Already it is a proven fact that people lose weight when they smoke and gain it back when they quit. This being the case, rather than eat massive amounts, people should be smoking their food, their chicken, steak, hamburgers and fries, polishing it off, perhaps, with a small dessert. Just imagine a world without sickness, disease, and fat people. The world would be so happy, most of them -- all of those but the most evil -- will turn to Christ in their joy. That is why we must work to overcome the mountains of scientific "evidence" against smoking that has overwhelmed even the most dedicated of Christians. Otherwise, the Devil will be even more effective in crushing the Christian resistance during Armageddon. This, in a great and tragic irony, will certainly result in at least as many deaths as supposedly caused by cigarette smoking.

33 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats funny, god gave us cocks too yet you condemn smoking pole.

Someone's projecting!!!!

12:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Folks

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About me

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About you

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or maybe below the cockles

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe in the sub-cockle area

12:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe in the liver

12:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe in the kidneys

12:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe even in the colon

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We don't know

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just a regular joe

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With a regular job

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm your average white

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suburbanite slob

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like football, and porno, and books about war

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got an average house

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With a nice hardwood floor

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife, and my job

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My kids, and my car

12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My feet on my table

12:56 AM  
Blogger Led Head said...

Nathaniel: "Everybody needs to exercise once in awhile -- it does a body good. And that's exactly why smoking does not cause cancer. The devil would have you think that tobacco is cancerous."

Okay, this post either proves that this site is a complete and total farce or that you a case of cranial-rectal inversion so severe that you'll never see daylight!

I do believe, however, that cancer is more likely caused by the pesticides and preservatives used on the tobacco than the tobacco itself.

Notwithstanding, smoking ciggerettes, as they are marketed, most certainly does cause cancer, as well as a number of other diseases! My husband lost his mother to tobacco-related cancer, so I know.

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To S.B.

You are, without a doubt, the hottest thing in robes. I only wish I could let you know how much I want to rip them off and make mad, passionate love to you.

K.I.G.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

led-head -- your husband obviously lost his mother because she is evil. tobacco will not necessarily work the same on those that love the Devil. as for your cynacism regarding this site, believe what you want. we'll still be here, and you'll still be corrupted by Satan.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

anonymous -- i have no idea what you are talking about. that applies to all comments. although, regarding the first at the top of the page, i will say that smoking a cigarette, if you believe Freud, may have something to do with penis. but that's on an intellectual level. physically, it's simply impossible to grind up penis and smoke it. although that has given me a great idea for a new punishment. homosexuals, rapists and childmolestors could be castrated and made to smoke their own genitals.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Led Head said...

My mother-in-law was not evil, but she did have a wicked way of getting even with people. And she would have had *loads* of fun with you guys!

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Marionette said...

Either way, I'm standing by the fact that God's not going to carry me into the afterlife until he's good and ready.

6:10 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

Nathaniel, I ask that you practice what you preach and immediately begin smoking all of your food. Also a healthy four or more packs of cigarettes daily. Then we will be rid of you. *sarcasm...mostly*

11:43 AM  
Blogger Led Head said...

Good one, Wrin. I couldn't have put it better myself.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The facts about any type of smoking:
step 1: smoking builds up tar on the walls of your lungs
Step 2: the tar covered parts of you lung walls begin to die
step 3: while the body has the opportuity to rebuild cells that have been damaged or killed, the more times the body is made to remake these cells, the better chance it has of making a faulty cell, A.K.A. a cancerous cell
step 4: The now cancerous cell begins to infect the cells that are being remade around it, as the body believes that this is the way that the cells are made correctly
so in essence, smoking doesnt give you cancer, your own body does. smoking just helps the process along by rapidly killing cells. as for the pole smoking comment, it means sucking a cock, moron. the other 22 anonymous comments up at the top, thats a little song by dennis leary called "i'm an asshole" and i think it would be perfect theme music for you nathan. and i bet your views on smoking what god planted on this earth would pull a 180 if someone handed you a joint, bowl, bong, etc. etc. filled with pot. thank you and have a nice day

1:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and shame on your for calling someones mother evil. when someone close to you dies, i hope your singing the same tune cause you make it seem like if you die, you mustve screwed up somewhere shame on you go sit in the punishment chair, and im cranking it up to 50,000 volts and where havin a crispy fried christian cookout.

1:20 AM  

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