Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Are You Good Or Evil -- Try Mushrooms and Find Out

I just read this latest study about psychedelic mushrooms and it brought back a flood of memories -- a flashback, if you will -- about my own experience with the drugs. Once, when I was a child on at Bible camp, some friends and I were hiking in the woods of Oregon and came across a field of mushrooms. Being children and being hungry we ate some of the mushrooms. After about an hour, my entire universe changed. Colors were vibrant and beautiful and seemed to crawl out of nearly every blade of grass, every leaf, every person and thing I saw around me. And I felt incredibly loved, as though God had called me up to heaven to give a great, heavenly hug. Many of my friends felt the same way, although a few didn't. A few felt terrible, as though ants were crawling all over their skin and they were on fire. They heard demonic voices and began crying. These children were the thieves in liars in our group. In fact, many of them, years later, found themselves in prison. A couple of them became homosexuals. All of them stopped going to Church. Obviously, the mushrooms work such that good, God fearing people have profound spiritual experiences, while those with no hope of ever doing good with their lives and embracing Jesus will be possessed with the forces of the Devil. This fact has great potential to be used in the name of Christ. While I would never advocate recreational use of mushrooms, since all drugs used in such a way are evil, there is at least one use that could be of great benefit for society: a litmus test for good. Just as we test children for stupidity and allergies, we could begin testing them for goodness. At least once during their elementary schooling, children should be given mushrooms and their experiences measured. Those that react badly are obviously evil and should be sent to reform school where they will read the Bible every day. Only this way is there any hope of bringing them into the arms of Christ. And we should not hesitate to punish the children with spankings and whippings. By segregating the good from evil at such an early age, we will finally know which children can learn about math and science without turning it into a force for evil. Our schools will then be able to compete with those in China and India, where everyone knows the children excel at such subjects. Ideally, a child's goodness would be measured every few years to catch traitors to Christ that have been belatedly brought to the dark side.


Blogger Led Head said...

This article certainly explains a lot. Thanks for the enlightenment.

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Marionette said...

As tempting as that sounds, I can't but seeing some people using those mushroom for much more basic physical pleasures rather than spiritual, a false crack high (and many say that they see God using drugs, like heroine and PCP, which is of course false).

These mushrooms, of course, would have to be highly guarded by trustworthy Christians, anyone else would be led astray by the physical distortions the drug causes.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, you ate a strange mushroom and you think that it told you that you are/were a good person and that your compatriots were bad people? And you don't see ANY problem with this? Pagan.

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband had a near death experience that sounds exactly about like your mushroom experience.

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just want to clarify something for you, Nathan. Psychadelic mushrooms are grown from cow shit. and not just any cow shit. that cow must be grain fed. any other mushrooms will yield one of these two effects
A: Pleasent taste and good pizza topping
you would never stuble across a field of psychadelic mushrooms unless someone was intentionally growing them there. and even if that was the case, outdoors is a bad place to grow those types of mushrooms. and just in case someone was dumb/ballsy enough to grow those things outdoors, you probably pissed them off REALLLY bad, cause those things are expensive on the drug market.

1:02 AM  

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