Wednesday, May 31, 2006

You WILL be Pro-Bush!

In your re-election, God has graciously granted America—though she doesn't deserve it—a reprieve from the agenda of paganism. You have been given a mandate. We the people expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet. Because you seek the Lord daily, we who know the Lord will follow that kind of voice eagerly. Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.
- Bob Jones, President, Bob Jones University

Dear Christian fellows. I realize I haven't wrtitten in a while but I've been away on travel learning how to be more judgmental. I wanted to take this opportunity to write about our President, George Bush: I support Bush. I support Bush because I believe that he is a good Christian man. I support Bush because he comes from a good American family, and he is likewise a family man himself. I support Bush because he’s a man of old-time morals. Bush may not have any fancy new-fangled Ivy-league degrees, and he may not use fancy words, but that’s just fine with me. Bush is a true defender of traditional American values. He is always determined to do the right thing. He is a man of his word. He’s a straight shooter all the way who loves his country. He’s a simple man, a plain spoken man, and a man who comes from modest means. Therefore he represents all us real Americans. Bush looks to be the kind of man that ordinary folks could sit down and have beer with, and therefore he is a man you can trust, and the kind of man we want in the White House. He may not have a lot of book smarts, but that’s just fine because a bunch of fancy book smarts ain’t gonna do no nothin to help Christian families who gotta work for a living. I supported Bush because I believe in the right to own and shoot guns, cause gun ownership and shooting is our right, and he isn't gonna allow no wussy-ass screaming liberals to come down here from NY to take away our guns. I also supported Bush because I believe in the bible, and I heard that Bush loves Jesus and that Bush is a man of prayer. I fail to understand why the lessons of the bible aren’t taught in the schools, and I fail to understand why Children aren’t made to recite their prayers in school and behave like good Christian children. But at least we can count on Bush to stop the gays from coming down here from California to take over our towns and communities. And at least we can count on Bush to stop the liberals from taking over our churches and invading our family home. And we can count on Bush to stop the terrorists from attacking our treasured moral values. Bush is the only man strong enough to proudly stand up and defend the country and defend the flag from the terrorists and the liberals. I also supported Bush because I drive a Ford truck, and I believe in the right to own and drive Ford trucks, cause drivin Ford trucks is our right, and Bush isn't gonna allow no wussy-ass tree-huggin liberals to come down here from NY and California to take away my truck and make me drive some small-ass hybrid car.


Anonymous Ryven said...

Well, I think the rest of that stuff is crap, but I do have to say that I've never believed in the anti-gun lobby. People, if educated properly, can be responsible gun owners. Taking guns away is pretty much a knee-jerk reaction to violence. A violent person is still going to be violent, with or without a gun.

There are many happy memories made when Dad and I went out for target practice.

8:17 PM  
Anonymous uuabqsl said...

My dad taught me how to shoot too. It was always fun to draw pictures of people I couldn't stand and blow them to bits.

Now lets see...what does Parnell look like...

10:34 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

Oops, sorry. The above was from me.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

Wow, the uneducated "doctor" is back from his mission to be more of a pig. And what a brilliantly ignorant post. You must not pay much attention, Parnell.
God tried to kill your precious president with a pretzel. Bush and his entire family give tax cuts to the rich (including themselves) and leave good working Christians to eat the night soil of him and his ilk. He doesn't come from modest means, he comes from an oil empire and the only reason he's president is because his family was rich enough to put him there. You want to know why Bush loves Jesus? Because he thinks Jesus is telling him that he can sin all he wants as long as he asks for forgiveness every night before he goes to bed and dreams of slaughter, and because the bible gives him a lot of great quotes to hack to bits so he can make them say things they don't mean.
Oh, and trucks? I'm a moderate independant and I don't care about your stupid truck. I live with liberals, and they like trucks. FORD TRUCKS. You want to know what liberals don't like ABOUT those trucks? That they get about a mile to the gallon. What liberals want to do is make them either use less fuel or use something cheaper that ALSO burns cleaner. So quit your bitching, whining and complaining about liberals and their evil until you know what you're talking about.

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Onions Snodgrass said...

I support Bush because he is for wealthy people like me.
As for the Christian thing, that's fine, although I wouldn't take it too seriously as I am an Episcopalian.
I suspect he is not too fond of Catholics also, which is fine with me as many of them are Hispanic.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

Racism a-go-ago sparkle moon decisive action!

8:26 PM  
Anonymous jdparnell said...

This is Dr. JD Parnell. I am not a racist, although I am quite rich, which is why I own many Ford Excursion SUVs. But that is for another post. I am delighted to find out that one of you believes in guns. Well, Good for you!!! You are clearly well on your way down the righteous path. Now what you people also have to realize is that Bush is a great man becuse he does not have any fancy Ivy League degrees, and that he is a simple man, and that Bush is a man of modest means. He came from a modest working class background and had to pull himself up from the bootstraps, and that is what makes him a real american. Bush is also a man of prayer, and in order to be in the White House it is IMPERITIVE that you be a man of prayer, and a man of modest means, and therefore Bush is a great american man and a great american president!!! NOW AND FOREVER!!! HALEJULAH TO THE LAMB!!!

11:37 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

J. D. Parnell, a perfect example of IGNORING THE OBVIOUS.

Bush is a man of modest means
"Early in his professional life, Bush ran, or was a partner in a number of oil companies, including Arbusto Energy, Spectrum 7, and the Harken Energy Corporation." This is not a man of modest means, this is a man who helps run an oil empire and gets lots of money from his rich father. I call bullshit.

Bush is a great man becuse he does not have any fancy Ivy League degrees
Bush attended Yale and Harvard. Don't try to feed me your bullshit, I can smell it a mile off.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous jdparnell said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Wrin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

fake jdparnell -- for future reference pretending to be another will not only lead to eternal hellfire, but also to having your comment removed.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

Wrin - Clearly, you have been fooled by the liberal media. I know the Devil's trickery when I see it, and that is what makes me right and you wrong. I know the truth, and the truth is that Bush was always a good modest Christian, and there is no way that a man as genuine and modest and downhome as Bush would have EVER gone to Harvard and Yale. Furthermore, the idea of making Ford trucks more fuel efficient is clearly the work of the Devil, because we are commanded in the bible to reap the full bounties of the earth. I suggest you go back to Sunday school, as it is your only chance of being saved from eternal hellfire.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Ryven said...

Google works wonders. Educate yourself please, Parnell, and stop making an ass of yourself.

8:11 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

Furthermore, the idea of making Ford trucks more fuel efficient is clearly the work of the Devil, because we are commanded in the bible to reap the full bounties of the earth.

And does that not mean using it to the fullest? You keep overlooking the obvious and denying what your own idol has said of himself.

9:17 PM  
Anonymous TSC said...

So, Mr. Parnell, what did you write your doctoral thesis on anyways? For that matter, what school did you get your doctorite at and what are you a doctor of?

I'm just curious being that you must have gone to college in order to become a doctor, and if you didn't then that would make you Mr. Parnell. Based off of your opinion of higher education I can only assume that you yourself don't have a doctorite and thusly I suggest we all call you Mr. Parnell.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous tsc said...

Another interesting question for you Mr. Parnell, were you ever an Reverend at St. Augustine's Parish in Fort Worth, Texas?

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

I certainly hope he wasn't. That's just too close to home for comfort.


8:28 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

I think he's just an alias, actually. He's not listed in the residents of his given hometown, nor does he spell it correctly.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous tsc said...

Well I did a little research on Mr. Parnell and if he's who he says he is he is one ugly, state trooper lookin' bastard.

Here are the sites that I found:

That one is interesting, it even has his cell phone number. He's apparently a manager for Wal Mart. Wow! Classy!

That one has another picture of "BISHOP JOHN PARNELL, PHD"

The PHD thing is what tipped me off to DR. JD Parnell being John Parnell.

So please look at the links and mock him verily.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

tsc -- there's no reason to turn this site into something where people ridicule each other. it's fine to condemn people to eternal hellfire or vehemently disagree with aforementioned hellfire, as you obviously do; and i'm not saying you can't mock us, as i generally have tried to let people express themselves honestly. but i would just appreciate it if you refrained from personal attacks.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Wrin said...

Your research was more successful than mine, I must say. Good show.

If I believed in hell I would have to say you are going there with all of your hate to be cleansed before the coming. But I don't, so you're probably just going to live the lives of each of the people you've hurt over the years when you die.

7:35 AM  
Blogger Wrin said...

My goodness, I was right about him being Catholic...I had thought he would be by his behavior, but it's nice to know for sure.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

This Dr. JD Parnell!

I can assure you lost horrid sinners that I am truly a real Dr...A Dr. of good wholseomness and virtuous truths!!! However I WILL NOT tell you (wrin, TSC) about my church or my congregation because if I did then you would surely go and try to find out about them, and if they met you, then they would surely see fit to have you Tarred and Feathered and Run out of Town on a RAIL!!! Therefore, you should Thank me because its for your own protection! We are good down-home Christian people here, and we will NOT have our small Christian community invaded by evil liberals from New York City!!!

12:06 AM  
Blogger Ryven said...

Tarred, feathered, and ran out on a rail.

Charming. No wonder the fundies are small in number. Such a violently judgemental group can't expect to ever have new members if all they do is shout and fling their preachy feces at them.

7:55 PM  

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