Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Sex in a Spray, Devil in a Bottle

We are surrounded by sex; it's on television, in music, on billboards, all slickly packaged by the Devil so we can be tempted into his arms. There was a more perfect time when husbands and wives did not even sleep in the same bed, lest they be tempted into fornication for pleasure rather than baby-making, and this was a time when America was great and all-powerful. People who dared express sexuality were castigated, such that all sexual perversion was scared out of our God-fearing, Christian society. Homosexuality was driven deep underground, and rarely did one see women and men living together who were not married. Sexually transmitted diseases? Those were for whores and their God-less lovers.

Then came the dirty hippies and their witchcraft, taking LSD, smoking pot, sleeping with one another the way animals do in the wild. Subliminally brainwashing children with their Devil rock music, they were able to open the minds of an entire generation to Satan, so where once people like Jessica Simpson would be stoned for being a whore, she is now held up as a role model for women.

But of course the Devil never rests, and he is currently working on many more ways with which to corrupt our society into fornicating itself to eternal damnation. None other than his most loyal of servants are on the task: scientists. Just look at this new scientific development -- sex in a spray! Certainly, it will be used by all manner of perverts, and it is only a matter of time before they begin spraying it on our children to tempt them into illicit relationships that lead to only one place: HELL. But not according to scientists. According to them, sex is good for us! It even prevents disease. To prove them wrong, we should send all the scientists to Africa, where they can copulate with locals. When they come back ridden with AIDS, their lies will be exposed for all to see.

Oh, but even worse: the Catholic Church, after years of lying in wait, drawing unaware Christian souls to it, is revealing its true colors as an instrument of the Devil. For years they told us that condoms were bad -- and rightly so, since, as I've said before, sex is only for marriage and only for producing children -- but now they are changing their position because of diseases like AIDS. And this is a clear affront to God, who condemns sinners with such diseases. It is only natural that those who abuse God's gift of childbirth experience pain and suffering, and trying to prevent it is a thumb in His eye. We should be giving diseases to fornicators, not preventing them. But we Christians can take solace in the fact that no condom in the universe will work in Hell. Sinners could wrap their entire bodies in condom and would still never escape eternal damnation and suffering.

With all of this going on, it is imperative that the true Christians of America unite and cast out this temptation of Satan. Luckily, some places are recognizing this duty.

23 Comments:

Anonymous TSC said...

So where exactly does it say in the bible that recreational sex with your wife is a bad thing?

I've never actually seen the passage that says that and I'm curious.

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Led Head. said...

TSC--I actually think there's a place in the Bible where it says you should render "due benevolence" unto your spouse.

I couldn't imagine being married to someone and not expressing my love for them in this manner. I pity you, Nathaniel.

11:03 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

tsc -- it's implied in many a passage. for one, it's obvious that the Bible puts women in a position subservient to man. It refers constantly to her need to redeem herself via childbirth, her need for humility and silence. and reading about her creation, it's also obvious that women were created to please men, not unlike pets. we do not sleep with pets (or at least we shouldn't). but it is necessary to sleep with women to produce children. therefore, we should approach sex with them as we would animals should God command us to sleep with them.

All in all, from the Bible it can be inferred that women are objects. it is evil to lust after objects and opens our mind to any manner of sin.

9:15 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

led-head -- you can't imagine it because the devil has convinced you it is good. i pity you.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous TSC said...

The bible can imply many things Nathaniel. I've heard many things said as if they were facts when in reference to the bible. I did not ask where it implied it, I asked where it said it. If the wording is sleightly different I don't mind, I just want to see where it says something similar. Because to be so adamant about something that is merely implied would be foolish. If you have not read the bible well enough to give me a passage or are unwilling to research in to your own holy book I'm sure that you have friends that are pious enough to do so. So please, if you would, find me a passage that more than implies such things.

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

You are an evil, hate filled man. I can't believe that anyone would be as foolish as to cast off half their race because of a few sentences a book says. Anyone with that sort of malice shouldn't be allowed to breed, let alone pass along this seething, misplaced hate.

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ryven, I wholeheartedly agree. I mostly read this blog because it's fascinating how misguided he is from his abuse as a child, but he is usually scary too. Perhaps some day he'll redeem himself.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

Some people learn from their abuse and recognize it as wrong. Others just find ways to justify it. This is clearly a case of justification.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

So, does this mean you and your wife don't even share a bedroom? Or do you take a page out of the old '50s sitcoms and sleep in twin beds?

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I seriously doubt anyone is willing to breed with either of them, so it's probably that there either is no wife to speak of or they sleep in seperate beds. Nathaniel at least doesn't seem to believe in human love.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

led head and anonymous -- no, we do not sleep in a separate bedroom, although we do not share a bed, either. my wife sleeps on the floor, for she feels guilty for the sin of Eve and lives her life righteously and on constant guard for temptation and the Devil. if all people on this Earth were equally as dedicated, there would be no sin.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

Okay sociopath, nowhere in the Bible does it say "And you shall make your wife sleep on the floor, for she is evil and must abstain from bedsheets." Dedication does not mean you sleep on the floor and deprive yourself of bedding. And if it is, why aren't you sleeping on the floor, ye who is so awesomely and self righteously dedicated to God? Double standards, ahoy!

I'm seriously beginning to believe that you're completely full of it, and are just posting this crap to antagonize, because this is simply ridiculous.

9:04 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

My point exactly, Ryven. Just when I think he can't possibly say anything more asinine, he totally outdoes himself.

Asinine...I like the way that word sounds, don't you?

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

BTW...when are you going to grace us with your version of a Potterfic? Snazzlepuff and I can *hardly* wait!

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

Asinine is a perfect word for it.

1:31 AM  
Anonymous TSC said...

So have you found that passage yet?

Just curious.

For that matter, I'm having doubts as to the validity of this website. I highly doubt that your wife sleeps at the foot of your bed. I don't see anyone (Short of some servants in the middle ages) ever being willing to do such a thing.

Mind you, if this page is a farce it was played very well for a while, however your statement just don't seem likely to be fact any more.

Mind you, if it is fact why don't you prove your devoutness to your religion and find some passages for me.

1:37 AM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

TSC -- I don't know how I could ever prove my faith to you. At this point, I could search the Bible day and night, and your hatred for everything that is good is so deep it will prevent you from ever recognizing that this site and I have been honest throughout.

Eve gave in to the snake; she ate the apple. You can deny this and prove to yourself that the Bible is fake all you want. But in the end it will be you and the woman you supposedly love that will be roasting in hell.

2:47 AM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

That's still not an answer, as I see no actual passage, just more inferences. Nice way to dodge the questions, though. Strike another win up for my fiance.

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

So, that makes about 100 for us and O for Nathaniel and Parnell, right?

Much of the religious dogma reguarding Adam and Eve can be traced back not to the Bible, but to John Milton's "Paradise Lost." But Nathaniel seems to have self-stylized it all for his own needs.

12:56 AM  
Anonymous Ryven said...

That's actually par for the course when it comes to religious zealots. They'll call anything "doctorine" as long as it will get them the attention they need and the followers they think they deserve. Which is why many people don't consider fundimentalists True Anything -Christians, Muslims, Pagan, whathaveyou.

I haven't gotten to thank you for the kind words you've said to me, Led-head. So thanks ^^

2:04 AM  
Anonymous Led Head said...

No problem.

I was teasing my Godchild about sending her to Jesus camp for the summer. She played along with the joke = p.

10:38 PM  
Anonymous TSC said...

So what your saying is that you are so busy with other things that you don't have time to prove a heathen wrong in the name of your lord and savior?

I'm fairly certain that your god would be very dissapointed in you for not proving this evil heathenistic fornicator wrong.

Or are you saying that this passage doesn't exist, and you're unwilling to say so? That would be lying to yourself, and lying is a sin.

Or are you saying that your too lazy to look it up. Sloth, also a sin.

I'll tell ya what, if you can find that passage within one week I will go out and buy a copy of your version of the bible. Fair enough? If you can prove me wrong I will do that.

Your truly,
TSC

PS: Does your church have a web site? I suppose a website that has pics of your church might bring at least some validity to this web site.

3:01 AM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Nathaniel, I agree that we are surrounded by sex, and I agree that pre-marital sex is wrong, but don't forget, the Bible is filled with sex. Also, I don't think it's a sin to have sex with your own spouse

8:38 PM  

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