Saturday, April 22, 2006

Jesus Loves the UK

Despite the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812, America owes its life to Britain. They may have been fleeing England in search of religious freedom, but America's first settlers were instilled with the glorious values of the Bible in Britain, as well as the imperialist dreams and ingenuity that have made the United States what is today. And for that we owe England everything. We've come to their aid in time of war -- and this was important, no doubt -- but we've watched in silence as the UK was overrun by secularists and witches and homosexuals. We've suffered as Britain undertook a new age of imperialism and colonization, that of sorcery and witchcraft as evidenced by Harry Potter. And I've prayed for them, hoping upon hope that America would undertake a new Marshall plan for the souls of our brothers. Well, I'm proud to report that my prayers may have been answered. Blessed capitalists from England and Australia are paying back God's kindness by spreading His word throughout our brother country. One has been so successful, he's been able to teach the Word of God in state schools, something that would be unheard of here in the US. If this trend continues -- and I don't say this lightly -- we Christians here in America may have to start praying that Britain re-colonize us and force the Word of God upon the American public that has become so hypnotized by the Devil. What I really hope for, though, rather than such a drastic approach to the problem of Devil-infiltration is that someone like J.K. Rowling will see the light and publish a new series of books about a young Christian soldier who fights the Devil by confronting his homosexual, witch, scientist followers at state school. An interesting twist would be a final battle between the good Christian boy and Harry Potter. It would be even more interesting if the boy, in the end, were able to win Hermione's heart and make her abandon witchcraft in favor of raising children. Hmm. In fact, I'm so enamored by this idea, maybe I will write it. I will pray about it for awhile and get back to you...


Anonymous Snazzlepuff the Mischevilous said...

*gleefully jumps up and down*

A new Harry Potter fanfic? Oh, goody *claps hands!* I'm a sucker for a good fanfic, and even some "not so" good ones.

Just one small favor: can you please please please pretty please create three original characters named Anitza, Whitney, and Christine, and make them all suffer horrible deaths in hell for me? I really don't like them(*whispers* and Anitza refuses to have babies).

I apologize to any of you here if you happen to have one of those those names. Most of you are pretty cool, and this has absolutely nothing to do with you!

5:11 PM  

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