Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sympathy For the Devil

The Muslims are rioting again, this time blaming the Europeans for offending Islam, even though, as we all know, the fact that they're poor and oppressed and blame the West for their ills is the real reason for the uprising. But even though, as a Christian, I know the only good religion is Christianity and the only path to heaven is through Christ, I must say I identify with their complaint. Like Muslim outrage at depictions of Muhammad, I too get outraged whenever Christ is ridiculed. In fact, I am impressed by Muslim commitment to outrage. If only we Christians would riot whenever our faith were offended, just imagine the change we could bring. But no, unlike Muslims, we Christians are fat and happy, and so are more willing to accept our faith being denigrated. And Satan loves it. Which is why he revels in the wealth of America. He knows Christianity is a straight path to heaven, so he tempts us with money, with the stock market, with corporations that twist our faith and distract us from the righteous path. Since Islam leads only to eternal hellfire, Satan revels in its poverty, since poverty, it seems, only makes one's faith stronger. I know Muslims believe in a heaven with 72 virgins, but even if there are virgins waiting for them, they will certainly be infected with STDs and other diseases that will give them all an eternity of pain. In fact, their entire idea of heaven is really hell in sheep's clothing. Women are not supposed to be the object of our desire; they are only for breeding, and Islam's appeal to man's basest, most evil desires is a certain clue to its true nature.

Now, much has been made of the fact that what the Muslims are outraged at is the backbone to Western democracy: freedom of speech. Again, I identify with this rage, for freedom of speech and so-called liberty that America and the West worship is really nothing more than a tool of the Devil that he uses to brainwash our citizens. Luckily, some of us Christians are waking up to this fact and demanding censorship when our faith requires it. And I've been pleased with the results, but much more needs to be done! All music, all movies and television and books, that offend the Bible -- portrayals of filth, like witches, like whore-ish women, like sex, like cursing, and violence should be banned. And people that spread these messages of the Devil should certainly be punished. Repeat offenses -- let's say three -- should lead to lobotomy. Even thinking such heresy should be punished. One day, let's hope that Jesus Loves Everything R&D will be able to develop some form of mind scanner that can be installed on street corners and in shops. If, perhaps, we Christians one day unite in outrage at the filth that has overcome our society, we, like Muslims, can instill fear in our leaders so they will take the mind-reading devices and punish un-Christian thinking.

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