Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A Message to All the Teens: It is NOT COOL to FRY in Hell

A Message to All the Teens:

Greetings Fellow Christian Soldiers!!!
A Most Hearty and Heartfelt Good Morning to All of Gods Children!

I am The Reverend, Dr. James "Jimmy" Dean Parnell, and this is a message for all of you teens out there. Before we proceed any further, I want to point out that as a sign of respect, I expect you to address me as "Sir", "Reverend", or "Dr. Parnell". You will always include my credentials in front of my name and you absolutely WILL NOT address me by my Christian name!!! If you violate these requirements it is my expectation that you will be severely corrected, and if there is no willing adult to correct you than surely God will see to it!!!

Well now, what a time to be a teen!!! Or more appropriately, in language that your unholy godless generation can understand: What an "Xtreme" time to be an "Xtreme Teen"!!! These are certainly historically important and "Xtreme" times that we live in. Now, I want all of you teens to know that I can communicate on your level. I think I understand how you youngsters think and feel about things, as well as the things that you consider important and hold dear. Do I agree or sympathize with you on these things? MOST CERTAINLY NOT!!! But, God willing, I will attempt to understand it, difficult as it may be.

Now, these are the "totally Xtreme" things that you teens consider most important and hold dear: (1) Xtreme Sports - You teens seem to interact and seek out entertainment through a system of so called Xtreme sports - Skateboarding, Snowboarding, Surfing, Bungy Jumping, Rock Climbing, and so forth. Instead of going to church and studying the bible you are engaging in this nonsense, and God does not approve!!! (2) "Alternative Rock and Roll" or this so called "Hip Hop" - I never did approve of Rock music, but this new "alternative Rock" is far worse! "Hip Hop" music is even worse than that! When I was a young man, all music that was not a mid-nineteenth century church hymn was considered an instrument of the devil! (3) Xtreme Dance Moves - I understand that you Xtreme teens are going to your school sponsored dances, and other dance clubs and practicing new, even more obscene gyrations on the dance floor! This form of Xtreme Dance leads directly to obscene adulterous sexual activity, and you are violating no. 7 of the 10 Commandments!!! Surely, any form of activity that encourages perverse movements and thoughts and leads one down the path of sin is one of the many tools that Satan will attempt to use against us.

Now Teens, listen carefully! Unrepentant sinners who continue down their destructive path will surely suffer the wages of their sins, and the wages of sin is DEATH. Death in this context means everlasting destruction or damnation. If you teens continue on your immoral path you will spend eternity in HELL. You teens might think you are "totally Xtreme" in this life, but in the next life you are in for one terrible surprise. To find out about what hell is like, please read the passage written at the beginning. I would only like to add that the punishment of hell is eternal, meaning that it goes on forever and ever and ever. You will feel nothing but unimaginable pain and unendurable agony for all of eternity. So you so called "Xtreme Cool" teens can surely see that is is NOT COOL to FRY in HELL.

Good day to all of you, and may the Blessings of the Lord be with all of God’s children!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay you remind me of satin okay.

Tisk tisk

if only you werent so ignorant

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

No teenager says "Xtreme" anymore, that died years ago. But I would like to adress a few issues here as a 17 year-old Conservative, pro-life Catholic.

1. There are 168 hours in a week, and only one hour is used for mass, and there are plenty of teens that play sports and play music, but also read the Bible (like me).
2. Music is music, it's just how you use it.
3. There's nothing wrong with dancing, it's just how you do it that can make it a violation of the 10 commandments. If a girl is shaking her booty for the purpose of looking like a slut or is trying to show lust, that is wrong. If a girl is just dancing and is just trying to be herself and she isn't doing anything wrong and someone is looking at her lustfully, that boy has done wrong, and not the girl.

11:51 PM  
Blogger marvin z. martian said...

Can I call you Jimbo?

9:22 PM  

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