Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Illegal Immigration A Solution To Environmental Devastation

One of this site's readers recently brought to my attention the impossibility of one of my posts, specifically the eradication of large, useless animals -- animals like gorillas, horses, giraffes and elephants -- that harm the environment by eating its grass and trees and polluting our waters with fecal matter. To reiterate, the extinction of such beasts is absolutely necessary, because according to the enviro-cult and liberal media we, are facing an environmental crisis where we humans are no longer able to drive big cars, clear the rain forests, and pollute the skies, even though God gave us these things to make for ourselves a better life with lots of time for worship and prayer. It's not God's wrath that is causing hurricanes and earthquakes, it's poor mother earth wretching in pain for what we have done to her. Or so they say. Well, I don't really believe a word of it, as I have pure and beautiful faith in my Lord God, that He will provide for us, regardless of the size of car I drive or the fact that I litter rather than recycle. But since the enviro-cult and liberal media have joined forces with activist judges and corrupt politicians and made the environment such an issue, I only think it fair that animals sacrifice the way we must. Thus larger animals that take more than their fair share of the unabundant earth must die. I would also like to add to this list birds, for they poop on our cars, thus requiring us to waste water to clean off their nasty droppings.

But as I was saying, a loyal reader claims my plan is impossible. Something about species depending on each other for survival. Well, first of all I disagree. We have been very successful at killing off many species, and mankind is no worse for wear. But let's assume he's right, that we can't simply drive horses into extinction without some random consequence only the universe can explain befalling us. Then we should get illegal immigrants to perform the same function as horses. And if we rid ourselves of elephants, we get the illegals to do elephant duty as well. It can work for any animal, really. Think about it: the birds are suddenly extinct, so there's no animal to eat insects, thereby causing the insect population to swell. Never fear! We can simply send a team of illegal immigrants to affected areas where they can crawl on their hands and knees and kill thousands upon thousands of insects. If this is not efficient enough, we could invent some sort of device to make the job easier (bug spray is not allowed, because it hurts the environment).

Think of the problems this would solve. No more crowds of illegals hanging outside of 7-11s and Home Depos, infesting good, Christian neighborhoods with their cockroach-like presence, stealing jobs from Americans, leering at our women. There will be plenty of work for everyone, and the environment will be in fine shape. If the illegals don't like the work, then back over the border they go.

I'm sure the liberal media and enviro-cult will still complain, though. These people don't want a solution to their so-called problem, because then what would they complain about? What would give meaning to their life? Perhaps they'd turn to Jesus and find true happiness and contentment, but I doubt it, for these people are too consumed by sin and self-centeredness. In any event, I believe I've found a global solution to a global problem. Now I will be able to sleep at night when I finally kill me a gorilla.

9 Comments:

Blogger Ciaran said...

Ok its offical ... this site is a joke.. it has to be ... your a smart guy Nat ... thats clearly not going to work... there are so many problems with your idea it shouldn't even be called an idea... im going to stop reading if you don't come up with more entertaining posts than this... this one is just so far out in left field no one can think your a nut now, we have to think your just a guy trying to be funny... we have to think its a joke.... but see you put to much effort into it for it to be a joke... so im guessing its a project your doing for school... maybe soicology or something like that.. ahh well it was fun while it lasted

6:53 AM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

this site is not meant to be a joke or entertainment; it's informational and a place where people can express Christian solutions to the world's problems. and i take offense to your opinion that my idea is clearly not going to work. illegal immigrants need jobs. there are not enough jobs. My idea creates jobs and saves the environment. and unlike the heartless, so-called christians that rant and rave about illegal immigration and how we should send these poor souls back to where they came from, my solution blesses them with an opportunity for a better life. it may not be the most perfect opportunity, but not everyone is destined for the perfect life.

Perhaps my idea is too "wacky" for you. Perhaps you'd rather stick to the old "solutions" for saving the environment and illegal immigration -- big government bureacracy. And maybe it is even a little wacky, but it is certainly not any more wacky than expecting us to give up our automobiles and jobs to satisfy the enviro-cult, who fail to realize that it is they who are causing all the natural disasters for ignoring God and accepting sin.

i am, however, sorry that you are not finding this site useful anymore. your presence has definitely made me think about things and flesh out ideas. As a heads up, my next topics will be about gambling and role playing games, so if you have any interest, please feel free to revisit.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

Ciaran - How DARE you question the legitimacy of this site!!! Nathaniel is a righteous Christian man, who speaks the truth. People like you claim to be Christian, yet you refuse to recognize the issue of sin in this world. You preach a pathetic, milk-toast, compromising "Christianity", that supposedly says "If I'm OK, than your OK, and we're all OK, and we'll all get into heaven!" WRONG!!! You talk only about God's love, yet you refuse to recognize God's wrath! You are abomination in the eyes of God!! Clearly, you were not spanked nearly enough as a child. If there was any justice in this world you would be hanged for witchcraft, and the world would finally be rid of you!

I will continue to pray for you.

The Rev., Dr. JD Parnell

2:54 PM  
Blogger Ciaran said...

How dare I? Man or boy? i still didnt get an anwser on that one nor did i get an anwser from you on the whole solomon question there doc. I try to recognize my own sins to avoid the wrath of god and love others despite their sins to avoid the wrath of god ."If there was any justice in this world you would be hanged for witchcraft, and the world would finally be rid of you!" alittle harsh dont you think ..?? just because im not sure if this guy is joking or not?? man i hope jesus goes easier on you than u would on me jim... but just so u know my dad agrees he didn't spank me enough as a child... but he still thinks im ok... and nat christian solutions??? give me a break ....Christ is the first part of christian and i cant see him being down with this .... why dont you call them mixed-up-preception-old-testament-godian solutions... that got a good ring to it

5:13 PM  
Blogger Dr. JD Parnell said...

Ciaran,

My words are most certainly harsh. But that is my nature, and that is the way God wants all of us to be: Strict and severe, and utterly righteous. If we take a look back in time to the olden times we will see that society was far more harsh, strict, and severe, yet also, far more righteous. Back then life was a serious business and it was treated as such. People rarely laughed or smiled - there’s ample evidence of this by simply looking at the earliest photographs. If you laughed in church you spent a day in the stocks! Back in 1651, in colonial Massachusetts, denying the authority of the bible would bring a punishment of 40 lashes, and DEATH for repeated offences. This is the perfect example of a society that once had favor with God. I’ll concede that I am unsure as to whether you are guilty of witchcraft, but in light of how a righteous colonial society was governed, is it too much to ask that those who do practice witchcraft hang for their crimes?? If you would at least agree with this, I will gladly take back what I said, and furthermore I would gladly see that there is hope for your redemption. Regardless of whether you would agree with this or anything else, you must believe in the legitimacy of this site! Nathaniel’s ideas are inspired by the Lord. He had a near death experience, and it was because of this experience that his life’s mission has become what it is now.

I would like to make one final point: Life is a serious business, and it should be treated as such because where we wind up after death will depend on how we live in this life. My strict, righteous nature was inspired by my childhood upbringing - When I was a young boy I was spanked every single day, and I am a better man for it!!! If the life of a child after his birth consisted of constant whippings, the child would grow up to be grateful for those whippings because that child’s soul will most likely me delivered from hell.

Thank you, that is all.

The Rev., Dr. JD Parnell

3:50 PM  
Blogger Gregory said...

The only joke on this site is Ciaran! Good riddance.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Sirius said...

The only joke!?

Are you serious?

This HAS to be a joke. I mean come on, he's 12, he has kids, a SUV.

This absolutely HAS to be a joke.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Sirius said...

ah, by the way:

I'm karizma, just had a name change for the heck of it.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Nathaniel said...

I'm setting the record straight, since there seems to be some confusion: I am not 12. I was being sarcastic when chris or ciaran said something about me being prepubecent.

5:04 PM  

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