Illegal Immigration A Solution To Environmental Devastation

One of this site's readers recently brought to my attention the impossibility of one of my posts, specifically the eradication of large, useless animals -- animals like gorillas, horses, giraffes and elephants -- that harm the environment by eating its grass and trees and polluting our waters with fecal matter. To reiterate, the extinction of such beasts is absolutely necessary, because according to the enviro-cult and liberal media we, are facing an environmental crisis where we humans are no longer able to drive big cars, clear the rain forests, and pollute the skies, even though God gave us these things to make for ourselves a better life with lots of time for worship and prayer. It's not God's wrath that is causing hurricanes and earthquakes, it's poor mother earth wretching in pain for what we have done to her. Or so they say. Well, I don't really believe a word of it, as I have pure and beautiful faith in my Lord God, that He will provide for us, regardless of the size of car I drive or the fact that I litter rather than recycle. But since the enviro-cult and liberal media have joined forces with activist judges and corrupt politicians and made the environment such an issue, I only think it fair that animals sacrifice the way we must. Thus larger animals that take more than their fair share of the unabundant earth must die. I would also like to add to this list birds, for they poop on our cars, thus requiring us to waste water to clean off their nasty droppings.

But as I was saying, a loyal reader claims my plan is impossible. Something about species depending on each other for survival. Well, first of all I disagree. We have been very successful at killing off many species, and mankind is no worse for wear. But let's assume he's right, that we can't simply drive horses into extinction without some random consequence only the universe can explain befalling us. Then we should get illegal immigrants to perform the same function as horses. And if we rid ourselves of elephants, we get the illegals to do elephant duty as well. It can work for any animal, really. Think about it: the birds are suddenly extinct, so there's no animal to eat insects, thereby causing the insect population to swell. Never fear! We can simply send a team of illegal immigrants to affected areas where they can crawl on their hands and knees and kill thousands upon thousands of insects. If this is not efficient enough, we could invent some sort of device to make the job easier (bug spray is not allowed, because it hurts the environment).

Think of the problems this would solve. No more crowds of illegals hanging outside of 7-11s and Home Depos, infesting good, Christian neighborhoods with their cockroach-like presence, stealing jobs from Americans, leering at our women. There will be plenty of work for everyone, and the environment will be in fine shape. If the illegals don't like the work, then back over the border they go.

I'm sure the liberal media and enviro-cult will still complain, though. These people don't want a solution to their so-called problem, because then what would they complain about? What would give meaning to their life? Perhaps they'd turn to Jesus and find true happiness and contentment, but I doubt it, for these people are too consumed by sin and self-centeredness. In any event, I believe I've found a global solution to a global problem. Now I will be able to sleep at night when I finally kill me a gorilla.